I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
