ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
