he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
