I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
