I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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