Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
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