I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
