We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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