I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize