Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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