am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
