wakey wakey hands off snakey
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
