Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Small penises have feelings too.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish life had little blips of pornography
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
