I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
