apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
