farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
