dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
