Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
