Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
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also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
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Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have fence marks all over my body
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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