Have you finally orgasmed yet?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
