I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
