you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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