I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
