he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
