I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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