I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
