i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
where are my eyebrows?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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