no, he came in my armpit
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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