why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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