so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
