Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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