Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize