Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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