escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
