CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
