the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
wow bdsm is so cute
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
