that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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