please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
