this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
BRING THE BAGELS
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
