I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
