sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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