Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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