Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
