If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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