exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Less talking, more tequila
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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