In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We're too hungover to prance.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
