I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
