im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we're chasing vodka with high fives
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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