On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She needs sedatives and a leash
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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