So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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