I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize