Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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