You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
