She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
